Avon Vs. Harmon



 Early in a new series, and Avon is looking for new ways to assert himself.  While Del Tarrant's imposing height and menacing teeth make him an opponent best savoured over time, a nearby trooper provides the perfect impulse target:  "As you can see, my boots render me a full inch taller than you, so why don't you just put that gun away and we'll-"

 "-don't touch the hair you bastard!"  With the instinctive accuracy of a trained killer, the trooper lunges for Avon's weakest point, mussing his carefully arranged fringe.  Such a killing insult demands retribution, and Avon responds by . . .

. . . grabbing Harmon's collar Really Hard.  Avon's move puts paid to the risk of firearm injury, but such close quarters reduce his tactical options to  schoolgirl kicking and ineffectual nibbling on Harmon's eyebrow.  This can't go on!  It's time to . . .

. . . grope Harmon agressively all over the deck.  An interesting change of tactics from Avon, presumably intended to confuse or exhaust his opponent.  Harmon responds in kind, straddling Avon in the familiar Compromising Position while calling for a colleague to take blackmail photographs.

As scuffle continues, Del Tarrant looks on, considering the alternate strategies of sidearm deployment and bucket of icy water.  Finally he decides on the more entertaining option of watching his new ally get beaten to a pulp.

After a great deal of to-ing and fro-ing on the floor, Harmon strikes out, simultaneously tickling Avon and punching him in the ribs. Foul play!  If only Avon had thought of it first.

And it looks like curtains for our boy.  Even last-ditch deployment of Avon's favoured gaping mouth technique is little help.  Avon takes a moment to thank his Mum and Dad for bringing him into the world so that he could get beaten up by Federation troops.

 But by luck, finally tiring of the display, Tarrant puts Harmon out of his misery.  Saved by a slip of a lad with curly hair and impossibly shiny teeth - what humiliation.

 However, Avon redeems the situation by immediate adoption of his oft practiced 'tousled and sweaty' look, diverting viewers' attention from the reality of his near-defeat.  Who was it that won again?

TACTICS: 30%  Pretty poor all 'round, ending with yet another near-death experience.

STYLE: 40%  On-floor struggle which resembled an extract from a porn film, but nice aesthetic recovery in the final moments.

OUTCOME: 55%   Alive but mildly indebted.  Bummer.

OVERALL SCORE: 42%