B7: A Guide to Gratuitous Rebel-Gropeage
[Yet another toxic extract from Spacefall's LiveJournal]
It takes a calm head to survive a crisis while evaluating potential groping opportunities.
For your education and pleasure, I therefore present the top four fearless-leader-fondling
strategies:
4. Timely rescue from exploding device. 
When rescuing shipmates from impending death, never overlook the opportunity for a gratuitous grope. The act shoving your companion to the floor can act as a cover for all sorts of unnecessary bodily contact including (but not limited to) hand holding and shoulder-nipple contact.
Pros: An handy excuse to pounce your love-muffin in public
Cons: Requires careful timing to avoid embarrassment or disintegration of gropee.
3. Assault by vengeful alien hosepipe
Under attack by a mutinous alien spaceship? Why not take advantage of the situation by leaping into the arms of your foolhardy yet strangely attractive leader? A few minutes of mortal peril purchase weeks of life-debt and near-seconds of groping pleasure.
Pros: Potential for full-frontal groping and petty point-scoring
Cons: Some risk of painful and visually unpleasant death.
2. Just fell that way, honest Guv 
For most modern space travellers, violent explosions are tediously commonplace. Alleviate the boredom of these humdrum mini-disasters by introducing a subtle grope.
Pros: Simple and convenient to execute
Cons: Can lead to bruising and/or disarrangement of hairdo
1. Sudden explosion AND subtle physical intimidation
For experts only: combine a simple explosion recovery technique with physical imposition to produce a highly effective groping strategy. By simultaneously grasping the potential gropee and engaging in needless argument it is possible to dramatically extend groping time without risk to self esteem or ice-queen reputation. Best of all, the intimidation effect of this process *increases* in proportion to groping duration.
Pros: Allows extended cuddling while limiting personal embarrassment.
Cons: None. A foolproof combination of intimidation and truly gratuitous groping