Here's where I record most of the Blake's 7 related wibble generated by my subconscious. Feel free to laugh at the shoddy products of my psyche.
30th of August, 2003 - WTF!?
WIERDNESS: 10/10 and then some!
PLEASURABILITY: 3/10 (too confused to enjoy it!)
Post star one, Blake was sitting on a ornate wooden chair in a park with Avon standing behind his left shoulder. Kneeling close to Blake's left knee was a young relationship advisor with excessively shiny chestnut hair - actually, he looked like the male equivalent of timotei woman. The advisor looked at Blake and said 'you ought to come back, and you [looking at Avon] ought to die your hair three shades lighter. Green-' and then Blake suddenly butted in to say 'No, blond!' Avon then tried to come and sit with Blake, or Blake tried to pull him into range, and Avon managed somehow to mangle his trousers a little, revealing unflattering green undies. After everyone had had a glimpse of the undies and the press had taken photographs(!!!), Blake grabbed Avon and sat him on his lap so that the underwear wouldn't show. It was less revealing, but more suggestive and Blake did seem to enjoy posing for yet more pictures like that (Avon just looked very surprised.) Blake raised his hands a bit for a better shot, and I noticed he was wearing a pair of marigolds covered in multicoloured slime. May I just say: 'WTF?!?!'
27th of August, 2003 - The Avon Family
WIERDNESS: 5/10!
PLEASURABILITY: 4/10
09:00 pm - Weird dreams
I had a weird dream while kipping at Ruth's flat over the weekend: Avon was forced by circumstances to visit his family and had a horrible time of it. Here it is as I remember it ...
Avon's family's apartment was down a long, metallic corridor carpeted with cheap, peach-coloured foamy flooring. The foam was raised in a series of thin strips a few inches long, and covered in black footprints. Avon was barefoot and the flooring squished between his toes as he walked. The point of the trip wasn't clear, but Avon was feeling terribly angry and resentful about it.
Avon passed set after set of identical, bright steel hatches/doors but finally arrived at his childhood home. He stepped into a cramped hallway (covered in the usual dirty peach foam) which led almost straight into a dark metal cupboard. He turned right then sharply left into a small kitchen/sitting room area where his brother was sitting. Avon's brother was younger, taller, and rather thin, with untidy dark hair (this wasn't the brother from Spacefall.) His father, lurking nearby, had a dark moustache and short hair a little Avon's in series one. Father and son were equally grumpy looking and equally displeased to see Avon. Little brother gave Avon a really dirty look before returning to his bowl of cereal and leaving Dad Avon to do the actual sounding out.
Just as Avon and his Dad began laying into eachother, Avon's Mum came home from work. She had the mad scientist look perfected, with dodgy lab whites, blue geeky shirt with things in the pockets and strange spectacle things which she took off the moment she came in. It seems that Mum Avon had some unpleasant job performing experiments on people for the Federation (Project Avalon-esque?) but before I could find out what else was going on I awoke on Ruth's floor.
12th of June, 2003 - Trisex Jenna and Avon . . . and a school trip
WARNING: Contains dodgy concepts. Turn back if Avonic sexual surreality offends.
WIERDNESS: 10/10!
PLEASURABILITY: 7/10 (well, Avon did seem to enjoy it.)
A seriously strange dream (even by my standards) about Avon, that whole third sex thing, trains (Cygnus Alpha was a tube station), academic trips, invasion and buried heads. I blame Freedom City for all of the strangeness contained herein!
The dream's setting was a school trip out past Cygnus Alpha which for unknown reasons was a nice woodland area on the LondonDome train route (the CA station was caged off by metal gates.) The pupils, including study-mates Jenna, Avon and Vila, travelled out to a scenic spot inhabited by trees, squirrels and enormous carnivorous beasts (nice!)
Now, the disturbing bit: One of the local carnivorous beasties decided to eat our heroes, and to save them (well, himself) from Certain Painful Death Avon was forced to, er, roll about in the bushes with it. Yes, like that. The monster was a sort of nine feet tall lion-beast thing with what can only be described as interesting anatomy. Avon managed to subdue it without compromising his virtue overmuch (not for lack of trying!) and it became apparant that the lion thingy, Avon and Jenna were all part of the same rather weird species. I gather that he was all right so long as he didn't then bonk Jenna and get one of them pregnant (goodness knows which) which wasn't an issue since Schoolboy!Avon was still in the 'eugh, girls!' phase.
Fortunately, Avon was called back to the group before he could prove how anatomically interesting his third of the species was, but I was really impressed at the way he convinced an eight foot long hairy monster that *he* was going on top.
After returning to the group Avon seemed a bit distracted and went for a long wander over the hills and through lots of tall yellow grass. I should point out that Our Heroes were all dressed in school uniforms by this point and it was starting to look like Grange Hill among the fields and forests. Eventually everyone gathered at the top of a hill where, for no reason I can recall, they were faced with the prospect of sudden horrible attack. Weirdly (hah!) the spot they were gathered in included several heaps of yellow and green orc heads buried in piles. These were some kind of posh orc people who'd been slaughtered on the spot some years back (look, they were well preserved.) Someone suggested that some dead orc king chap might have left some useful advice re: not getting slaughtered so the gang looked for an appropriate head. After some confusion (don't dig up those heads, Vila, there are some clean ones over here) they came up with a plan which involved lots of winching people up and down a big rock at sunset. Don't ask.
So in the end nobody was eaten, and while Avon never finished his beast-taming adventure he also got away without getting himself/Jenna up the duff. All rejoiced. Hurrah!
26th of April, 2003 - Pavement Therapy
WIERDNESS: 7/10
PLEASURABILITY: 2/10
No character viewpoint for this dream. Instead I was gazing down a bland, metallic corridor down which Blake was stumbling. As he approached he appeared to slip in and out of the right hand wall as if it was a mirror. Suddenly, the wobbling image of Blake expanded even further to become Blake and Gan pushing a hospital trolley between them. On the trolley, face down, was an absolutely furious Avon! Avon had his arms bent in front of him and his clothing and hair were as they'd been in Spacefall (except messed up from all the struggling he was doing.) He was writhing and cursing his captors while they tried to hold him down and push the trolley at the same time. I don't think I've ever seen Avon so angry as he was in this dream - he was literally spitting with rage!
Blake and Gan reached the end of the corridor, emerging through double doors into the street. They pushed the trolley onto the pavement, grabbed Avon and just threw him onto the floor! They then left him lying on the sun-drenched pavement for a while, complaining when a car parked nearby and cast shade over him. Strangely, I became aware that a) this wasn't the first time they'd done it that day (no wonder Avon was annoyed) and b) they thought were doing it for his own good(?!?!?)
25th of March, 2003 - AU A/B
WIERDNESS: 6/10
PLEASURABILITY: 10/10
This was one of my cutest Blake's 7 dreams (or at least dreams about Avon and Blake because goodness knows what the full setting was.) Avon was notably absent from the revolution, because he'd married and had a ten year old son. His day job was teaching at the hideously 70s local school and things were generally unexciting.
You're probably wondering where Blake comes in . . .
. . . well, at some point during term-time Avon began a clandestine e-affair with Blake. They chatted, gamed online and had intermittent cybersex in the privacy of Avon's terminal. After a while, Avon's son noticed a distinct improvement in his father's moods, along with a lightening of his dress sense and endearing (but hugely embarassing) new taste for computer-game rock soundtracks. Things never progressed beyond the virtual, since Avon still adored his wife and son and had no desire to leave his cosy home. Nevertheless, as he removed chewing gum from the brown classroom carpets (apparently voluntarily) the little smile on his face seemed to make it all worthwhile.
12th of January, 2003 - Afro Avon
WIERDNESS: 8/10
PLEASURABILITY: 9/10
In this version of B7 Jenna, Vila and Avon had possession of Liberator and it had taken them all of five seconds to work out the financial possibilities inherent in owning the fastest ship in known space. Their first customer, oddly enough, was Roj Blake - presumably fresh from an interesting but un-witnessed adventure on Cygnus Alpha. Jenna was clearly in charge of customer relations, and made sure everything was ship shape for Blake's guided tour. This mostly included straightening the flight deck cushions and interrupting Vila's mid-afternoon nap ("Stop slouching, Vila, you'll put him off!")
After skirting the ship with practised disinterest (clearly aiming for a discount) Blake happened into a room just off the flight deck corridor. It was unexceptional, save that it
was occupied by Avon - then engaged in preparing a refreshing bottle of orange squash.
I should mention that Avon as seen in this dream was somewhat different from the canonical version. For a start he was taller, younger, blacker and had a softly drifting afro that put Blake's haircut to shame. His first name was also Brad, rather than Kerr (You could tell it was Brad because it was written over his head in big bronze letters at the next planetary conference.) Incongrously, his voice was precisely that of the Avon we know and love. Dreams,
eh?
In any case, Blake gave a very good impression of being impressed with Avon, particularly once he'd appreciated the full eroticism of a well choreographed stair descent (in heels, no less.) Avon was wearing a a deep purple jumpsuit dusted with tiny and impossibly sparkling jewels and the cynically minded among us may speculate that this was another of Jenna's marketing ploys - intended to capture the ten percent of the market not amply catered for by her own red leather ensemble.
Hooked by Avon's fairly blatant flirting, Blake soon signed on the dotted line and it was off, off, off into the galaxy. Dream-Blake's strategy seemed to involve rather more conferences and rabble-rousing than actual high explosives, perhaps because everyone involved looked better lounging on discussion panels than soaked in mud on a desolate Federation outpost.
So: No Gan, no Cally, no Orac and the strangest AU Avon I've ever witnessed. But glitter, yes, and sinfully clingy wardrobes, and headbands to make your eyes water.
Aye, it were a good dream.
10th of January, 2003 - The Evil Tarrant One
WIERDNESS: 3/10
PLEASURABILITY: 4/10
This was an odd dream involving Avon and Vila's escape from a (not very) secure compound. The compound consisted of several buildings and a grassy area, ringed with wire fences and guard towers. Our boys' escape was lamentably disorganised and they'd only been running over the grass for a few minutes when the guards began shooting at them.
Disturbingly, the dream's scene changed from time to time to show Servalan in an observation room accompanied by her current boyfriend: yet *another* Tarrant brother! This one seemed to be a Tufty clone (Del's evil twin?) but was quite menacing, glaring cruelly in his skinny renaissance outfit. He leaned over the viewing balcony in the style of Avon leaning over Orac and seemed every bit as evil as Servie! I wonder what his name was. Dastardly Derek Tarrant probably.